just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
