just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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