so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
