theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
All I want is dick and wine.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
