so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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