Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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