hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
