If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
