THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
