I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
