look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
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