finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
