nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
