Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
send nudes
from the living room?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
