u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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