so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
