I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Randomize
