The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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