Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
