i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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