Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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