dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
