I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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