he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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