What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
the raccoons are back...
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