Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
