Where did you get a picture of my penis
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
