I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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