if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
