Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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