were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
