just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
