That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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