theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
