She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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