lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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