his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
