At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
