I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
