im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
