My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
We're too hungover to prance.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
