I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
How external is "for external use only"?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
