You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
