I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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