Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
