I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
