dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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