the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
