I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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