girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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