I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
