just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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