there was a trapeze. enough said
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
