Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
