Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
